Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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