just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
