I think I am morally bankrupt
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
The Olympian is in my bed
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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