I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
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