Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Edward fifth and chaser hands
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
