She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
