My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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