i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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