They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
It's blow job season.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
