if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
