The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
