What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
