People with herpes should wear stickers.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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