Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
