i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
