He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Randomize
