My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
