dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
