I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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