she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
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