can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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