she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
