I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
