Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
