Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Thank you for not boning my boss.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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