Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
