And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
