remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Randomize
