I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
