i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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