Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
