Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
