definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
