Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
