I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
