ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
