Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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