Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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