I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
