I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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