and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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