I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
