I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
