Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
