my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
we're making bets on your personal life
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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