I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
he told me I talked like a deaf person
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
