Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
