Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize