there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
