I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
