Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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