I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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