just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I believe in your delicious
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
