dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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