someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Randomize
