"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize