I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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