I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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