my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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