I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
