I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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