I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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