Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize