Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
wakey wakey hands off snakey
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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