I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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