is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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