You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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