Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
