***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
