took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
