cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
