She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
