life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Randomize
