why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
