Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
