I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
