Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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