Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
