hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
