Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
someone owes me an orgasm
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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