i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
