If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
She needs sedatives and a leash
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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