fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
