Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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