she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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