Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
