the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
